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OPEN WATER 2: ADRIFT

Posted by The Absolute Horror Crew on June 25, 2007

Feeling happy? Downright gleeful? Like someone reached down and tickled the very depths of your soul? Want to fix that? Because if you’ve been feeling entirely too happy for entirely too long, OPEN WATER 2: ADRIFT is guaranteed to make…

CURSE OF THE ZODIAC

Posted by The Absolute Horror Crew on June 25, 2007

Suddenly, I feel much like the falling bowl of petunias in The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. I’m staring at the box for CURSE OF THE ZODIAC, and all I can think is: Oh no, not again. And the reason…

ED GEIN: THE BUTCHER OF PLAINFIELD

Posted by The Absolute Horror Crew on June 5, 2007

If you should be wandering your video store aisles, and you see a movie box assert that its contents are, in fact, too terrifying for theatres, you can be reasonably certain that they are not. Like that schmuck at the…

DRIVE-THRU

Posted by The Absolute Horror Crew on June 5, 2007

DRIVE THRU is going to be one of the best cases of grand theft movie you’ve ever seen. In the scenic and wholly boring, at least to its teenage denizens, Orange County suburbia of Blanca Carne (White Meat! Ha!), something’s…

THE MANITOU

Posted by The Absolute Horror Crew on May 21, 2007

Once again, Anchor Bay goes off to salvage with the 1978 quasi-classic, THE MANITOU. Not surprisingly, Anchor Bay manages to pull off yet another coup. And this time around, Anchor Bay pulls from the depths a story about a woman…

BLOOD TRAILS

Posted by The Absolute Horror Crew on May 9, 2007

BLOOD TRAILS is an excellent lesson in judging a book by its cover, or rather, why you shouldn’t engage in just such practices. Sure, they’ve got these bloody gear / sawblade things on the cover art and the first minute…

RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD: RAVE TO THE GRAVE

Posted by The Absolute Horror Crew on May 9, 2007

There is a point when a movie becomes a full-bore franchise, around the second or maybe third sequel. In a way, this elevates a movie, showing that it has stood the test of time. And in another, it’s a stomach-churning…

GRIM REAPER

Posted by The Absolute Horror Crew on May 9, 2007

Every so often, I find a movie that really tests me. Maybe sometimes it tests my patience, or my cognitive reasoning center, or maybe even my sheer tolerance for insanity. This week was no different, but this time, I faced…

BENEATH STILL WATERS

Posted by The Absolute Horror Crew on April 18, 2007

Okay, everybody remain calm. This is a Brian Yuzna movie, and that means one of two things. It will be either amazing, or it will be godawful. There are no mediocre Brian Yuzna movies that I know of, yet, so…

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